Saturday, August 30, 2014
End of Summer
Yesterday I left work and my summer intern on his last day said "Thanks for everything this summer. Its been real." Then, I decided to stop in at Grafton Lakes on the way home. I waded in the water and called a former coworker who has a whole new position at my old job. Her boyfriend wants to go to grad school, I'm going to do some work in NYC - so many new things. Then the loud speaker announced "Everyone out of the water, this is the end of the day and the end of the summer. Please come back next year!". I squeezed my toes in my sand and felt ok leaving.
There have been times in past years I tried so hard to pretend summer wasn't ending - trying to convince my husband to go on a last minute humid, hazy Labor Day trip to the Finger Lakes. But this time it feels like something different. People say spring is a season of newness, but we spend our school years starting anew in September. We spend much of our lives having to pretend to be so many different things. I'm feeling all of a sudden like I've come into my own, like my life suits me so well because I have arranged it that way. I have hilarious thoughtful friends, favored New York State vacation spots, and an unusual job, which I actually do seem extraordinarily well-suited for. And in fact, even if is doesn't feel like it, there will be time for all the things you want to be and do. There's time for all good things in the world, but sometimes you have to be the person to bring what is good to a situation - you have to be the friendly, dependable coworker or the person who gets everyone together, or the most generous in spirit you can. I used to love "Fake it till you make it!", but after that what you really need is the strength and confidence to just be you.
I stopped in at the Arts Center and signed up for a cooking class. I ordered take out at Beirut. In all these years of living here, I've probably spent 5 minutes total in close proximity to the Hudson River. I waited for my order, people were fishing, and it was the kind of blazing dry sun you know you'll die to have in just a few months from now. I made a mental note to spend more time down there in the future. I side stepped a really loud band playing, checked out Some Girls, and picked up my delicious takeout - perfectly spiced beef shawarma and crispy falafel - from the really friendly staff.
So its the end of summer. Will I miss ridiculously sized beautiful tomatoes from the Troy Farmer's Market? Will I miss laying out on the chase lounge with homemade sangria reading Jennifer Weiner? You betcha. But of all a sudden I'm feeling like I know who I am in the world, and really know my way around my life and that's not something you can get from a little bit of sun.